1 1/2 - 2 out of 5 stars
I'll start with the surf because it's a pretty short read.
The beach is the smallest of Sydney's Eastern Suburbs beaches. Well, o.k. there might be other smaller ones but the sand needed to qualify a beach as a beach might not be there from time to time. Tamarama beach itself is only about 50m wide. It has a smooth seaweed covered rock shelf on the northern side and an almost sheer sandstone cliff the sea bashes up against on the southern side.
It attracts surf from any direction and holds a decent wave from most directions as well. Probably best in N or S swells. E swells tend to make it peaky and closey a little. Best to hit it with the tide coming in. The crowd...the crowd is about as bad as surfing Duranbah on the Gold Coast. It can be nasty. But don't let the crowds fool you. It's about 95% gumbies trying to drown themselves in the shortest time possible. Check if there's any quality surfers out there. If there isn't, chances are you can jag some good waves (not necessarily to yourself) and have an o.k. time.
Now, about the people...
If you want to be seen, and watch other people who want to be seen as well (who are watching you to see if you have seen them), then Tamarama is the place for you. This is the creme-Dela-creme of big city ego masturbation. You can tell I like the place right?
The people who go to Tama can be split into three distinct groups;
- "the haves" - actual famous people such as models, musicians and actors like Heath Ledger who used to own a water-front property there, celebrities etc who make the mistake of coming to this beach thinking "it's cool. Everyone is too cool to care I'm famous and wont bother me..." which is complete bollocks because the next group of people (see below) stand around gawking at them, or worse...talk to them!
- "the have-nots" - the pilot fish or leaches who hang off, or annoyingly around "haves", groupies etc. I could go on about them...but that's just what they would want.
- "the despots" - people who walk / lay / talk / think / swim / exercise / self-sex themselves like they are somewhere where people care that they are there - which no one does. Generally characterised by one way reflective aviator sunglasses which allows maximum perv ability without having their perverted pastime caught by some other "despot" of "have-not" looking on. May have the latest cool facial hair style or worse, pubic hair style.
p.s. About the girl with the implants, the 'Killers on the Loose' wrote a song on her - "Tamarama Doorslammer"
Coogee
1 - 2 stars out of 5 stars
The main break is at the southern end of the beach in front of the surf life-saving club house which is perched on the cliff and painted yellow.
The main break is a small rock bottom platform that breaks right and is sometimes referred to as 'SoftCocks' in reference to the Maroubra locals who flood the reef when the surf is too big at Maroubra.
It has two peaks; the main peak which is the inside of the right hand break; and the "Outer" which is north of the main peak and a little farther out and only begins breaking when it's larger. The wave sucks up fairly quickly on the rock shelf before running off the shelf and across a sand bottom onto a shore break. This wave doesn't break until there is a decent swell running and really only breaks well in a E/SE swell. A south swell tends to cause refractions off the cliffs resulting in backwash. The link I've left should give a good indicator of what the wave is like, though this was on a pure south swell.
Coogee is more or less a giant shore-break when the size turns on which is why the "lids" (body board riders) love it. A shore break here can easily get up to 4-6 foot and has been the cause of many a back-packer snapping their neck and heading home in a wheel-chair for the rest of their lives - no shit. Be careful.
At the northern end of Coogee is a left hand break. This needs serious size to make it worth surfing, though on it's day it can be an ok wave. Mostly a short point break style of wave that has a boil take-off followed by a fairly open face that doesn't barrel and can be racy at times. From go to woe, the wave will be over before you can pull any turns of significance. It works in any swell though E swells are better as N swells tend to push the wave wide of the reef making it almost impossible to get onto.
As for locals, there's plenty. If you know a swell is on for the next day, get down there at sparrow fart (early) to get what you can before the multitudes set in. There's no love lost out there and with about 20-50 guys sitting on 1-2 peaks, there is no pecking order. Coogee does suffer from 'Blow-Ins' (surfers from other beaches) when other beaches in the area go way past their limit in terms of size. Things can get a little bit heated when everyone is trying to get their daily fix.
Oh, and if your planning to learn to surf, there could be no place worse in the world than Coogee. You need time to be able to get up to your feet and find your legs. Coogee just doesn't give you that time. It's that short.
