Film Review: Disko & Tuumasõda

Disko & Tuumasõda (Disco & Atomic War)

2009, Director: Jaak Kilmi

After weeks of waiting for it to be sent by the mother-in-law from Tallin, it was with great anticipation that this film finally end up in the disused Playstation2 / DVD player. The wife had heard many great things about this little doco, reflected in the two awards credited to it. 

I must admit, the content of the movie was something I was only vaguely aware of and greatly underestimated the importance and significance of. You see, before I'd met my wife, I had no appreciation of how important t.v. from Finland would be in helping provide a view of the west to Estonians that you and I took for granted every day. I guess I assumed that where the waters edge was to the Baltic Sea was where the rest of the world dropped off. Not so. 

Although behind in terms of t.v. usage, Finland quickly caught up to Estonia in the 70's and 80's and their t.v. stations quickly found they also served a social role not only for their own citizens, but that of Estonia as well. By turning some of their transponders towards their smaller neighbor (only 80km away), they helped keep a population mentally (and some might say culturally) nourished. 

Whilst television is something you and I have taken for granted in Australia for many decades, interestingly enough, so have the Estonians. You see, the Russian government of the time saw the humble t.v. as a prime way of continuing the indoctrination of their "inducted" population, particularly in places like Estonia. Hence despite having barely enough of the right foods to eat, most homes in the Soviet era had t.v. Go figure! 

Disko & Tuumasõda is essentially one mans experiences and memories of how Western t.v. effected his life and that of the people around him. It also traces the history of how the humble t.v. along with assistance from Finnish t.v. programming was an important part in bringing down the Russian government. 

The movie details historical t.v. references such as 'Dallas' and 'Knight Rider'; memoirs of underground antenna builders and dodgy t.v. technicians; plus it has significant interviews with people of importance both in t.v. and government at the time. 

I guess what makes this film a true gem is that it helps to remind you that just when you think you know just about all there is to know about something....you know nothing. Whilst my wife watched it giggling to the many in-house joke references that you and I get but cant fully appreciate (because we weren't there), I watched with genuine interest the whole way through. A fascinating insight into a large fact about the fall of communism that seems to have slipped under the wests radder. Ironic considering the wests fascination with t.v.

**********************************************************************************
As a special footnote to this documentary, another documentary that touches on the importance of t.v. to Estonia is that of Australian broadcaster SBS's documentary - 'The Secret History of Eurovision'.
Of equal importance, relevance and entertainment, this documentary uses actual footage from 'Disco & Tuumasoda' to talk about how Eurovision had stiff competition from the Soviet Block in the shape of their own song competition - the "Intervision Song Contest".

"Mixing politics with pop and real international intrigue, this winning blend of humour and insight peers beyond the glitz and the sparkle to show that sometimes sequins and key changes can be as powerful as barbed wire and tanks."


A good watch but not quite as good as 'D&T'.

Eesti Kula Thrilmere: What now?

O.k., I am now going to write about a topic that most of you will switch off from before you finish reading the first paragraph, if you haven’t already. That’s o.k. I understand. Your future is not that important. Who cares where you spend the remainder of your years; whether or not anyone will be around to care about you / for you; that you will continue to identify with the human race. Oh you do care!? Oh! Well then...maybe you should read on after all.

Palun.

Kul[a] it people!

Let me begin by asking the people who are 50 years old or younger something: would you / will you consider moving to a retirement home or village when you get "old"?
I'm guessing your knee-jerk reaction will be "Hell NO!”

Well then, assuming my assumptive response was correct, my next question would be: why not?

Let’s face it. Todays reality is, you might actually end up in some sort of retirement accommodation as you may not have a choice by the time you turn...”old”.

"Ha!" you say, buoyed by the confidence your superannuation and children will keep you independent and away from the indignity of living out the remainder of your years with....”old people”.

You may be right. But what happens when your superannuation isn't up to scratch with the market inflation of the future (if you haven’t already lost it from future market crashes), and your kids live inter-state or in another country. Assuming you have kids of course (and ones that are happy to cover you).

I don’t know about you, but as I get older, the thought of how I’m going to manage when I’m old becomes more and more apparent. Sure I’m another 30 years away from retiring at best, but with the way things are today, I tend to shudder about tomorrow. I’m even considering not threatening my (future) children with boarding school for fear of ‘pay back’ down the track.

Eesti Kula entrance on Estonian Road, Thirlmere

Maybe I think this way as my exposure to the elderly began when I was young. I used to visit my grandparents as a kid at Eesti Kula in Thirlmere as my vanaisa, Leonid Rampe, was the General Manager. There I got to see the varying states of people in their twilight years. It’s from this exposure that I guess I have an un-bias view of what it means to set oneself (or be put) ‘out to pasture’. I don’t know anyone really who had an upbringing like mine in that regard. I know my siblings don’t view old age the way I do. They haven’t had the exposure to it I have had.

Back then (in the 70’s/80’s), Eesti Kula was, as it is now, a pretty special place. Ask any Australian considering a retirement village what their ideal place would be and I’m pretty sure they would describe the ‘Kula’. It’s quiet. It’s picturesque. For us it has an Estonian population so there is a familiar vibe. I don’t know if you have any relatives there of your own, but when my wife says to me lets go and visit your vanaema, I’m like, “Sure!” That’s because it’s nice to go to. It’s not like a government retirement home in the burbs where wafts of...stuff...float through the air, and the very thought of entering such a place makes you recoil into mowing the lawn in preference.

Like so many things about the Estonian community at the moment, Eesti Kula has quietly fallen under the spotlight of viability. The topic about the future of Eesti Küla is becoming more apparent with every year passing.

Why? Not because they are going broke; because it would seem that the village isn't so 'Eesti' anymore. In fact so much so that a name change was recently proposed to align its image more with that of the 'open' clientele now starting to fill the place.

"Why?...Who?...How could this be allowed to happen!?", I hear you cry. Well, frankly, it's because of you. Yes! You! Well “you”, meaning “us”, really.

As (Australian) Estonians, we have decided that as independent, outgoing people, living in a retirement village is way, way beneath us. It’s not a new thing. Most of Western society thinks this way now and consequently Eesti Kula has found over time the number of Estonians filling new or “vacated” accommodation has been dropping away slowly but surely. Because of this, coupled with the cost of maintaining such a wonderful place has meant management have had to look at new ways to keep the place viable and available to those of us who have a change of heart at the tender age of 90 and decide to move there after all.

Currently a proposal is in place that will see funding for a new hostel be built on recently acquired land next to the existing, but dated hostel. The primary source of income to make this possible means the Australian Government has to come on board. Therefore it goes without saying that the gradual induction of all good people will seep into the population of the village. 

Initially there were groans from the already existing Estonian population within the Kula, but this was probably more reflective of a generational gap than that of the origin of the possible population. New arrivals know full well that the Kula is evolving into a multi-cultural village, much like that of any other successful village in Australia.   

Whilst the retiring age in Australia is 65, the saying "65 is the new 55" might not be far wrong. I mean the body might reflect 65, but for most of us, the mind is still stuck back in the invincible 20's. I’m almost 40 and still think as stupidly as a 20 year old. So with that 'in mind', why would we want to put our minds out to pasture along with our bodies anyway? Again I'm guessing your reaction will be "We don't!"

So were on the same page.

Recently I realised the one major floor that has hampered the Kula more and more over the years. It came to me while talking to a senior Estonian at Eesti Maja in Sydneys Surry Hills one afternoon. Whilst it was hardly a ‘Eureka!’ moment, the flaw presented itself as one of simple geography.

Eesti Kula was essentially created for the moderately large population of Estonians living in and around Thirlmere to retire to when that time came. The Estonians who lived in Sydney or other parts of the state were either an after-thought or it was assumed that the Garden of Eden that the Kula is would keep the oldies banked up at the door trying to beat it down just to get a piece of the action.

Almost the opposite has occurred. As time has passed and the baby-boomer generation who grew up in the area moved out and created families elsewhere, the validity of Eesti Kula (for Estonians) therefore decreased. That coupled with the changes in the way society as a whole looks at retirement accommodation has meant the industry has been pushing up-hill to attract people back to it. It is anticipated with the new extension to Thirlmere that this wont be the case any longer.

Getting back to the senior Estonian... he was in the throes of deciding whether to move to Eesti Kula and maintain some sort of independent normality (even though the Kula is so far from his family), or move into a flat with his family and ultimately lose some genuine independence . Sure he likes the Kula for its atmosphere and the fact he has one or two familiar faces to greet him should he decide to move there. However, two things were playing on his mind; most importantly was its location – Thirlmere - and secondly; the fact the population of the village was becoming watered down with the local natives and not being re-populated with Estonians. Our Estonian gentleman was the first to concede that because his fellow countrymen and women were not moving there, the population was going the way it is. He understood the paradox.

His situation is one of many typical stories (regardless of nationality) as to why and how people find themselves moving into retirement accommodation. In this particular gentleman’s case, his wife passed away a few years ago and he now finds himself living alone in a moderately large house in Sydneys affluent North Shore. At 80+ years of age, cooking for one and maintaining a property takes a lot of effort.

Sure, he has the option to move into a granny flat with one of his kids family, but that's not the point. The point is about maintaining ones dignity through independence which by definition means living alone. Somehow, as nice as being close to you family is, that dignity diminishes as dependence on others grows.  

“So how does moving into a retirement village like Eesti Kula maintain ones independence and dignity?”, I hear you ask. Well it’s simple. Although you are moving into an ‘aged care facility’, you are not moving into a hospital with doctors and nurses hanging over your shoulder (per se). In fact it’s the opposite.

Not a bad place to kick back huh?

Take my vanaema for example; she has lived in Eesti Kula now for over 20 years. In that time she has gone from being a robust and active woman living on her own in a semi-house at the back of the village to now, being 93 years of age and with the body not keeping up with the mind. Slowly but surely she finds her independence an inhibitor as the type of accommodation she has, comes with the expectation that people living in those types of dwelling can support themselves and get their own food and medical attention, etc. 20 years ago when she moved in and had a car, this was not a problem, but as time has gone by, it’s not as easy as it once was when your driving licence has been further and further restricted then gone and your friends in the village are slowly losing their licenses as well.

My vanaema therefore is looking at the next phase of her retirement – moving into the Kula hostel. This is generally the next jump after moving into your own house in the Kula, but some move into the hostel from the get-go. What this means for my vanaema is that she will have immediate medical attention if she needs as well as a cooked meal every night - something that’s not guaranteed if you don’t have a licence, or car.

Whilst not having a cooked meal sounds terrible and neglectful, we have to remember that none of her immediate relatives lives within 30 minutes drive of her. Again, geography! This situation is not unique as it applies to just about every resident in the Kula.

So what do we change to make people consider moving to the Kula? How do we pull out of this nose-dive of impending Australiana invading and over-running the place? Do we need to? Do we have to? What are the options?

Whilst people will still want to move to Eesti Kula in the future, the option will always be available I’m sure, regardless of who populates the place. The connection to our heritage and past will never be diminished by the break down of races occupying the place. It will always be ‘Estonian’. Even if the name changes.

But what of the demographic who live in the city (Sydney) with their families nearby and have no designs on moving to Thirlmere. You can’t blame them for not wanting to move there, right? What are their options? Suffer in their over-priced, over-taxed properties having all their retirement fund sucked up by bills, and then end up moving to a government facility with....Aussies...anyway? That’s about all they have to look forward to for sure.

Perhaps the option of a 2^nd residence in the city should start to be explored. One where people can go and continue their existence in the city all be it in a different home. It’s feasible I’m sure. Suddenly we might find a facility like that not large enough to hold the amount of people wanting to get in. The polar opposite to Thirlmere.

By placing a facility within Sydney, the issue of geography is lessened greatly. Sure it would never be a perfect fit because Sydney is a big place and there are always going to be relatives in one place who still find the 30 minute drive to another part of the earth too far. But it’s not necessarily about the relatives visiting. It’s about being able to walk out the door into society and be a part of it, car or no car. Small change to you and I who can still drive when and where we want – BIG change to people who don’t want to be trapped in a room seeing out their remaining years because society is in the place they are not.

But please don’t get me wrong. The last thing I want to do is do a disservice to Eesti Kula in Thirlmere. After all, it is my own family that has put so much into what stands there today and certainly for tomorrow.

Much like other ethnic retirement accommodation created around the same time, Eesti Kula is unique. It was created by Estonians with Estonians in mind, though for the sake of the future, other people must be considered. It is beautiful and for some, it is exactly what the doctor has ordered when people become tired of the rat-race that is the city and want to unwind, permanently.

There is however the other side of the coin; those who want to continue feeling the rush, and pulse of life that is the city. Some people have only known the city their whole lives and are scared senseless by the country. After all, to hear yourself think sometimes is like being stuck with a person you don’t like!

So there! Have I convinced you to retire early and move on in? Well, I’m not even sure I’ve convinced myself. However, I do know that when the time comes, Thirlmere will always be an option for my wife and I if we haven’t fulfilled our dream of living out our remaining years in Estonia itself. Well...at least for 6 months of every year (i.e. summer). But for me, coming from Wollongong I'm a country boy at heart and she, coming from Tallinn is a city girl, so wouldn’t it be grand to have a 2^nd option such as the city. In our lucky society where choice is everything, it’s understandable to see why Eesti Kula is having a hard time of it. Maybe if there was another choice of retirement village, Eesti Kula might have an even harder time of it. But on the other hand, by the time you move into your retirement home in the city, you decide you’re sick of the city after all and that a bit of the peace and quiet might be what you’re after.

“Now where did I put that number for Thirlmere?” I hear you ask in the future...

WHATS IN A NAME?

• Thirlmere, N.S.W., Australia derives its name from one of several English Midlands villages (and yes, one is just down the road from Penrith in the England as well). Originally settled by timber cutters to supply the mines on the coast in the 1800's, Estonians descended in droves around the 1950's and put the place on the map.
• 'Kungla’ was the first farmers co-op in the area created by Estonian farmers which also came to include Australian farmers in the area. Today the same co-op still stands all be it as a small supermarket still bearing the name.
• The importance of the Estonian contribution to the community is reflected in the name of the road Eesti Kula sits on –Estonian Road.

Thank You!

Wow! I do not know who you are but I would appear to stirring people in 14 countries around the world, registering over 2,000 individual page views. Whilst it is still a comparably small number with that of other 'soap-box' people, I still feel very flattered.
However, I will still continue to ask you to leave your own mark and comment freely.
Although I am debating issues about "Estonianism"...and surfing (two very intertwineable topics - not), I am really talking to myself if you, the people, do not respond, and seeing as though there are so many of you, I know you are there!

You have nothing to fear giving your opinion, from myself or anyone else. Debate is great and is needed more and more in our community. If you are a fly-on-the-wall type, that's cool too. At least share the love and tell me what a great job I'm doing from time-to-time. Even if I'm not...

Estonian House AGM, 2010

Frustrated: adj. having feelings of dissatisfaction or lack of fulfillment (Collins English Dictionary, 1993).



By using the above word to describe the Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the Estonian House Co-operative Society Ltd. on behalf of the people who attended, I could easily stop writing here.
But obviously I won't, so for those of you who were at the AGM on the afternoon of Sunday the 17th of October and don't want to re-live the debacle, you can put that sigh of relief back in your lungs and read on.
Let me paint the picture...
It was 2pm on stunning Sunday afternoon when a healthy crowd of approximately 60 people arrived at Sydney Eesti Maja to possibly witness a bit of history in the making. Only twice in the history of Estonian House, had the Co-operative Board, been swept aside to make way for change. If early polls were anything to go by, Sunday was looking like it could be the third time.
Whilst attendance was some kind of record (after the last AGM saw no-one except the board show up), this crowd still proved under-whelming considering the email campaign/war of the candidates on the week leading up to the meeting. With proxys being the make-or-break equation in this fight, it seemed there might have been more people there in spirit than in person.
Arvo Tinni (the Chairman of the Board), Maie Barrow and Tõnu Meiusi were present at the desk just inside the hall where registration was taken and votes and proxys were given out. I had never met Arvo before though I recognised him immediately from pictures. He was a large man with one of those imposing ‘Estonian’ voices that gave me flash-backs to childhood of vana mees sitting around talking serious mens business.
Registering to vote showed at least 70 or so possible registered voters by the time I had written my name into the book (remember there were only about 60 people present...), along with the proxy for my wife. In a curious second, I wondered why it was that my wifes proxy wasn't recorded along with her name; only 'Proxy' was written in her names place. "How would anyone know who's 'Proxy' was that persons 'Proxy'", I thought. Interesting...
As the crowd that showed up was obviously unexpected by the Board, only a few chairs were put out. I and others helped put a few more chairs out for the crowd still coming in. Once done and now having two red-hot voting forms in my hot little hand, I took my place in one of the hot-seats myself.
It felt good to be sitting there seeing so many people (considering). Seeing some action! I can't help admit I was hoping to see something special. I kicked back and took it in the scene. 

 Where's Arvo?

Sitting in my row about 4 rows back from the front, the first thing I couldn't help but notice was an almost invisible (but obvious) line between the age demographics attending (see right). The first 2-3 rows consisted of the elderly Estonians (60+ years old), followed by the "younger" set (50's-). At first I thought the older ones were keen to just sit down and get on with it, but then I began to wonder if it wasn't planned. Maybe I was reading too much into it. Hmm?
Before proceedings kicked off, a hand-out of the Constitution of the Estonian House Co-operative Society Ltd with an extract from 'Co-operatives Act 1992 No.18' was handed out amongst the audience by a member of the opposition (SES team). "How novel!", I thought. Then, "How boaring!"', and threw it onto the seat next to me.
The gavel banged and the crowd simmered down. The meeting got under way.
Things kicked off in the usual fashion: the reading of the minutes from the last AGM, apologies, other palaver and a minutes silence for the departed members. Once 30 seconds had passed, the ballot counters were nominated and seconded and then it began.
Taimi Nurm was the first to stand and place a question to the Board, followed closely by Aivo Takis. His questions of the day:

• under which section of Rule 9 of the Co-op’s Constitution was the board acting when they signed the lease of the commercial premises at the front of Eesti Maja to a non-Estonia-related business? (Suddenly the handout on the seat next to me became interesting. I picked it up and began reading the definition...)
• Would the Chairman be vacating his position with the Board today, as promised in his report, which was sent to members together with the notice of AGM?

By answering Aivos questions in an irritated fashion, the Chairman of the Board Arno Tinni would prove cagey. By declaring it necessary to step down from his position as Chairman of the Board due to the provisions of the 'Co-operative Act', he would then go on to inform the crowd assembled that it was not his intention (after all) to resign from the board, only to step down as its Chairman - thereby reducing the number of available seats for this election from four to three. His cunning revealed.
As gasps of disbelief silently went off around the room, Arvo remained calm allowing a wry smile to cross his face, palms facing out to the crowd as if to say "what did you expect?”. In fact maybe he even said it...
One member of the crowd was so incensed; he got up out of his chair and left the meeting immediately.
Calmly Aivo Takis stood up and began questioning the validity of this exercise claiming it was unconstitutional and contrary to what had been printed in the lead up to the election. Arno hearing enough arrogantly slammed his gavel on the table. Aivo politely sat down.
From behind Aivo, another gentleman stood to voice his concern at the proceedings. Toomas Sarapuu, a native Estonian now residing in Australia (you remember the one...he saved a drunk Aussie from drowning in Sydney Harbour) was almost left speechless as Arno hammered down the gavel again whilst he was in mid-sentence, not even allowing him to finish his point.
With the crowd now beginning to murmur uneasily, Aivo stood again. A game opened up between him and Arvo where one would try to get the other to give their version of what Arvo meant. Even though Aivo won the battle of the discussion by twisting the question aimed at Arvo back at Arvo, it would be Arvo who would win the war of the argument as Aivos only evidence hinged on the statement, "It is time for the position to have new blood, new ideas and fresh enthusiasm to move to the next challenges" – an obvious statement of intent, but one hardly stating the obvious. Arvos wording had been clever. He had only said enough to suggest what people wanted to hear, thereby putting them off balance.
With the number of seats cut by one, any hope of the SES dominating the future Co-op Board had all but vanished in an answer. The damage was done.

With Arvo deciding there had been enough discussion, the voting got under way. People with pens and pencils began haunching over in their seats or on the seats next to them like they were having seizures to secretly draw lines through the names of (now) four candidates instead of three. Suspicious eyeballs darted around the room to see who was looking at them while they drew a line of death through candidates names. Once the deed was done and safely knowing the Eesti Stasi had failed to hone in on their selection, the votes were quickly folded in half and safely placed into a make-do ballot cast from the finest card-board box available - Coonawarra Estate.
With counting under way, people got up to stretch their legs and moved around. Others stood still; mouths open; silent; looking on in amazement and disbelief at the proceeding so far. Some grouped together in hushed discussions. One or two even popped out the front for a calming cigarette - or three.
A few younger voters over-heard certain members of the audience telling other members to leave Kadri Stamos’ name and cross out the remaining four members of the SES. Whilst dirty politics had been played down by Arvo Tinni and others, this tactic of isolating the supposed 'weak link' of the SES team would prove there were definite strategies at play by the pro-board members of the audience. Whatever the outcome would be the following thirty or so minutes while waiting for the count would prove to be extremely long.
When the gavel dropped (again) to call people back to their seats, the list of eventual winners would be read out quickly and coldly. From most votes to least (of the winning four candidates) the order read as such: Maie Barrow, Tõnu Meiusi, Terry Kass and Kadri Stamos (Madis Alvre in 5th).
In a move to counter the supposed ‘weak’ voting in of herself, Kadri Stamos stood and asked the board to accept her immediate resignation, thereby passing on her election to the Board to the next person with the most votes, Madis Alvre. While asking the Board, she was interrupted by Mr. Tinni on more than one occassion asking her to “speak up”. Upon hearing the request, the Board was as flabbergasted as the crowd now and collectively put down the request, referring the matter to be addressed at the next monthly meeting of the Board. I might suggest it prudent of Kadri to attend with representation on that night!
With general discontent still bubbling throughout the room, disorder started creeping into the meeting. People started commenting without standing and identifying themselves as comments became more personal and heated.
After several comments and interjections by numerous people in the audience, one lady in the front row, Kulliki Poole, spoke up to tell everyone to calm down. As a "dis-interested" participant of the meeting, she resembled a compassionate saviour of the Estonian community spirit while the Estonian “community” gathered around the aging carcase of Eesti Maja arguing over how the final meal should be divided. It was a welcome comment I couldn't help but "hear-hear" along with the applause of others seeking some salvation to the day.
Following this Kullikis comment, Juhan Lubek gave the last comment for the meeting: an impassioned plea (regardless of the results for the day) stating the simple fact, "If we don't make money, we can't spend money." His point (and the SES's platform in a nut-shell) being that if money isn't found through utilising the facility that is Eesti Maja, the money needed to do the up-grades to the building won’t be available and the building will start to come down around us. Although a topic of how it could be done, all were left in agreement that this is the case at hand.
And so it was: history was un-made before our eyes. The status-quo maintained. From there the meeting was all but adjourned. The people had had their say.

Although for many (including the ones who never bothered to show up and vote) the result wasn't what they had hoped for. Some were even further disillusioned by the outcome and were focused on another (supposed) two years in the wilderness. But I couldn’t help think there was a favourable outcome achieved after all: that the current Board received a long over-due shake-up and warning call - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Sure there were the candidates who were re-elected for another term as well as a teary-eyed "victor" in Kadri Stamos who had basically been insulted into a position on the board. But whatever the outcome, there were no losers in my eyes; only the ones who were not elected, this time.
With an intelligent member of the SES being voted onto the Co-operative Board of Directors, the re-tension of what could be considered 4 of the status-quo, two cross-benchers in Imbi Semmelweis and Sulev Kalamäe and an annual election for two positions next year; all is not lost for the SES team.
For the community as a whole, they were also the winners even if they were not there in person to appreciate it. The community was represented on this day. Not only by a Board, but by people who had found the urgency again; the need again; the PASSION again.
As a community, as an Estonian-Australian community, we were back on the map again. THAT can only be a good thing.

To end with a few questions:

• Where are the results?
• Who is auditing the results and will they be made transparent along with who resigned proxies over to other voters? There were records kept after all were there not?
• How many proxies were given per person and have these been scrutinised re: definition 179 ‘Voting by Proxy’? (Found on the front page of the ‘Co-operative Act’ that was handed out at the beginning of the meeting)

To end on my own comment:
For everyone running as candidates, I want to say I have met some wonderful people who genuinely have the best interests of Eesti Maja at heart. That is undeniable. We are all pulling in the same direction, even if the rope is a little wonky and not too straight. That's a great thing.
Through all of this process to change what we are, were we come together and how we achieve that result, neglect has set in.
Not once when arguing over who has the right to rent the front of the building, liquor licenses, disabled wheel-chair access, spending too much money did I ever hear any promises made on the future of Estonian House – the children.
No one came up with plans to get the next generation back through the door, to learn the language, to learn the dances, to participate and enjoy the culture the way they could.
Without the children backing all our grand plans up, all these grand plans become null and void from the get-go because all were arguing about is today, not tomorrow.
So what’s the point?
Ultimately, they are. Not us. It’s time to stop being so self obsessed and start thinking of them.

Some post-editing has occured from the original version of this piece with the assistance of Kadri Stamos where my detail has been vague, and hers 100%. The exception being where I claimed Mrs. Koreneff was the first to stand and comment when in fact it was Taimi Nurm.

Estonian House Sydney: The Cooperative strikes back.

I must admit people, when I opened up my hotmail today and saw a general email had been sent out to all Cooperative members, well...what can I say? It's lucky I'm writing to you now as my keyboard didn't pack it in from all the drool that splashed forth from thine mouth. I mean, this was it. The come-back I had been waiting for for days. The answer to the "fancy web page" created by the SES.
Only after slowing my heart rate and calmly reading through it did I realise that in fact it was the come-back I sought, only, it was delivered by the opposition. "What trickery is this!?" I asked myself. Alas it was none. Just Aivo Takis re-forwarding an un-forwarded email to me, stating his case against said un-forwarded email.
Oh well.
In the email sent, Mr. Takis outlined his response to Arvo Tinnis initial email entitled: "URGENT URGENT URGENT". I loved it. It was like a messenger had stumbled upon my computers doorstep, out of breath and handed me the message before passing their last breath.
Calmly I closed the door on my dead messenger and unfurled the scroll in my comfortable kitchen over a cup of tea. I read on.
In his response to claims and counter-claims, Arvo Tinni (whom I've never met FYI) outlines his side of the story. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it just the same as the SES. Whilst both sides have valid points, the tit-for-tat game is definitely in full swing. And it's a yawn.
To break the war of words down, I'll begin with Arvo, Aivo?....no Arvo....wait....let me check.....oh yeah Arvo. I was right the first time. I'm getting confused.
Anyway, Arvo kicks off with a salvo at the SESs website. Not a good start when you consider the actual seriousness of this AGM and whats up for grabs. The SES get a star for effort in my book.
He then takes a slash at "30 Estonian working holiday makers" insinuating Mr. Takis has stacked the vote in the SESs favour. On face value, if Mr. Takis managed to stack 30 votes, it would only constitute roughly 10% of the possible vote. For the SES to reign supreme, they still need another 40% of the vote to show up in person or by proxy, and that might not be such a sure thing even if its looking possible. Based on past performance, Mr. Takis will need all the stacking he can get if the SES are to get over the line.
The next point Arvo makes is quite possibly where issues get serious. Here he refers to "...people who have little or no idea of the constitutional and legal obligations of the Co-op Board." Whilst this might or might not be true, it highlights the most common point in a relationship where one party has to come of age and the other party has to let go. This isn't unique to Eesti Maja. It's universal. Change is essential. Life depends on it. And the idea to split the board of the Co-op so that experience is retained whilst new blood is let in is one that should be continued if the Co-op/SES situation is allowed to continue. Which brings me to my next point - the Co-op/SES situation shouldn't be allowed to continue.
Far be it for me to make a call like that based on what little knowledge I know of the affairs of Eesti Maja. But it seems two weeks in Eesti Maja is a long time!!!
As written in the 'Estonian House Cooperative Society Ltd 1938-1998' commemorative handout, "...most of the time Board members have worked in harmony with the shareholders, although on two occasions (1944 and 1958) disputes arose between the two groups. In both cases the shareholders elected a new Board." Seems we have a bit of history-repeating going on.
Arvo goes on to make a point...ne...a jab, at how "Obviously quite ignorant..." the SES Committee is nominating a chairman. Again, I don't know much about the inner machinations of Boards, but I would assume if there is a majority of say, 5 SES members on a board of 7, they will place who they like as Chairman. As to whether they see themselves "...as a political party" doesn't matter either way if they win. Hyping is hyping. Stick to the point Arvo.
And he gets there.
With black and white figures, Arvo points out the immediate case for Eesti Maja going commercial. Although Eesti Maja could loose $21,000 in rent p.a. and pay $12,000 in new council costs (a total $33,000 loss p.a.) he stops short of asking the question; can this money be re-couped from a commercial venture at the front of the building or via other ventures such as hiring the hall. I think it could.
But another valid point Arvo raises is the up-front cost of going commercial. $200,000+ is big big bucks and money that will have to be spent to get the place moving. No two ways about it.
His next point really beat my drum. "...improvements...should be discussed and evaluated in the conventional professional sequence, costed and if loan finance is required, shareholders approval sought." Loans aside, I think it's time the share holders were lent on anyway. The days of just existing and expecting Eesti Maja to be there are numbered. It's time for the kids (i.e. the members) to help around the house and...chip in! There I said it.
When members put the hat around to buy the land and build the 1st Eesti Maja, they did it together. Sure they got a loan, but it was paid back within 5 years. The same story in the 50's when the 2nd extension took place.  Now it seems after almost 70 years when the place needs to go to phase 3, we're sitting back waiting for the cavalry to arrive. It wont. WE ARE THE CAVALRY.

Which now brings me to Mr. Takis.


There's not too much to say about Aivo and the SES Committee that I didn't cover in the first edition of 'Estonian House Sydney'. So I'll be brief.
In his reply, Aivo is quick to answer my call to not sell Eesti Maja (point No.1). Thank you Aivo. We have it in black and white.
His 2nd point is curious, "KEEP IT 100% ESTONIAN". Does this mean not integrate Eesti Maja with other organisations such as the Finnish or Swedes or Tongans (don't ask me why that popped into my head)? What about local communities? To my mind, if Eesti Maja goes commercial, we take on the masses. Sure we retain the Estonianism of the place, but to what degree is Aivo planning to keep it "100%" Estonian"? Has being "100% Estonian" the thing that has held Eesti Maja back? A lack of flexibility? Excuse me for being Australian too, but I'm always suspicious of over-inflated patriotism. 
*Siimon chooses not to drive a Holden ute with the Southern Cross displayed*
I shuffle down to point 9, "We have sound financial plans...NO MORTGAGE, NO TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR PROPERTY!" Followed by point 13 "...there is absolutely no reliance upon the Co-op assets in our plans" What exactly are these plans and where will the money come from? Who will we owe and what are they expecting in return?

There's no free lunch.

Well, maybe on Sunday at the AGM there will be.

But will you buy it?

Estonian House Sydney: A New Dawn Has Arrived?

I heard a very good analogy of how life should be approached once: that we should look at life like a four-legged chair with only one leg supporting it on the ground. How it stays upright without toppling over relies on its balance - ergo; the balance of life. If everything is given equal measure, time and patience, the balance will be maintained and the chair will remain upright. Too much of one thing or the other...and the chair falls over.
Well, where Estonian Houses chair has been concerned, this chair of balance was kicked off its leg and put in one of the stacks in the hall, out of the way a long time ago.
This Sunday the 17th of October 2010 marks the Annual General Meeting of the Estonian House Co-operative Society Ltd. Out of the 7 positions that occupy the board, 5 positions will become vacant. Therefore 5 new or old members will be voted in. A veritable 7 legged chair.
From its last AGM a year ago, certain targets would obviously have been set and whether they were achieved or not, I don't know. My involvement in anything to do with Eesti Maja (Estonian House) administration has been limited up to this point. But then again, so has the involvement of basically all 300+ members of the Co-operative (which I have only recently become a member of). In fact, the involvement has been so poor where the AGM is concerned, only the board showed up to the last meeting!
This Sunday may mark a change where AGMs are concerned however as a crunch-point has appeared on the horizon for Eesti Maja - either make it viable or move it along.  Things really need to happen now, more than ever. We have an aging asset with infinite possibilities and an administrative situation that has gone no-where for decades. This AGM should mark a possible changing in paradigm where Eesti Maja is concerned.
As I write this now, 8 candidates appear for 5 seats on the board.
Of these 8 candidates are a team of 5 who want to be voted in collectively, and who come from the Estonian Society of Sydney - the Eesti Selts (SES); Madis and Tiina Alvre, Peeter Muttik, Kadri Stamos and Aivo Takis. Their platform is to consolidate the two entities that control Eesti Maja - the Co-operative and the SES - with mandates for "...steps in the right direction...".
As an indicator of how serious the SES are, Juhan Lubek has taken the liberty to set out the 5 nominees platform for all to see ahead of the other three candidates, Maie Barrow, Terry Kass and Tõnu Meiusi (all currently on the board but required to retire due to the constitution, but are running for re-election) who are unfortunately conspicuous by their platforms absence.
Although this information from the SES has been made available, I can't help but mention the timing smacks a little of major party costings before the federal election this year - that they showed up only a week out from elections. But the SES's effort is pretty good considering the other candidates (so far) haven't offered anything at all. Maybe if they had in the past, more people might have showed up to meetings in general. Who knows.
Why this AGM might be different from others could be reflected in the influx of people taking up shares in the Co-operative in the last year. Whilst the previous 5 years showed a declining trend in membership of the Co-operative, this year has seen as surge of new memberships rising from approx. 290 up to as high as 340 by the time the AGM runs. A rise of almost 10%! Imagine what might have happened at the last federal election if the voting roll had jumped by 10%! From this figure alone, one can reasonably assume that votes for this board might not be as passive as they have been in the past few years.
So where has this surge come from?
I guess the best comparison I might come up with might be (ironically) Russia. You see there is a slight parallel where Russia and Eesti Maja are concerned, even if there is a lag of 20 years on the part of Eesti Maja. Russia, as we know, annexed Estonia back in the 40's - when Eesti Maja was built and experienced it's "golden" period or growth in community and subsequent extension of Eesti Maja, and which lasted about....20 years.
Then came the "dark" period. The authorities that controlled Russia an Eesti Maja went into lock-down / lock-out mode. Nothing and no-one came in, and if anything, only people went out. Escaped even. However with time, Russia began to thaw. The authorities let in minor liberties which, when people got a taste for it, turned into the ruin of communist Russia...20 years ago.
Now, 20 years on from the fall of Communist Russia, a similar thawing is taking place with Eesti Maja. In the last year, the SES has been granted the liberty of running the Esto Cafe series in Sydney, with great success. Add to that the community of Adelaide forging an exemplary path to the future, the idea that things can be done have had people showing up again and getting re-acquainted with Eesti Maja. But does this mean the fall of the current board will yield a result that everyone wants and thinks might be possible from the SES team? The democratisation and capitalisation of Eesti Maja? Yes, but maybe no.
There are several glaring omissions from the SES team, and their competition. The biggest to my mind has been the lack of a clear promise NOT to sell Eesti Maja. Whilst what they have promised in terms of making the current Eesti Maja more accessible and functional not only for the Estonian-Australian community but the local community of Surry Hills has been a sweet sweet tune to listen to, the fact they have stopped short of unequivocally saying "whatever happens, we'll go down in flames before we sell of Surry Hills" has not eventuated.
Eesti Maja Surry Hills comes with pedigree. It is massive leverage that can make a once envied community even more envied in the future. The Finns and Swedes don't have what we have. From Eesti Maja Surry Hills can come great growth. If managed correctly (in terms of generating return) neighboring property can be acquired for accommodation and ease parking difficulties; additional facilities like a ski lodge and even accommodation back in Estonia could be achieved for its members. Why stop with Surry Hills?
But we have to be comfortable inside ourselves first. And I am one of many who believes the future might be an awkward fit if the Maja is re-located to a more "convenient" location. A short-term fix with no real answers. Whilst Eesti Maja doesn't have parking or the facilities other clubs might enjoy in the 'burbs', the community has an asset that can provide for the future. But this will only happen when we get the mix right. The balance right.
Another thing that I have never heard anyone talk of is having a business and marketing evaluation conducted on the property to give an independent opinion of what it will take to get Eesti Maja back on the rails again. Whilst these things are costly, currently there stands enough in the coffers to conduct such an evaluation. Money well spent if you consider it may give direction to a board whos function it seems is bailing water out of a sinking ship. An evaluation like this may shine light on options such as accommodation, commercial entertainment facilities and how much it may cost to build such a place and what return it might yield. It may answer the vexing question, should we even go down a commercial path or just hold onto the side of the chair and maintain the awkward balance.
Although as the outgoing chairman, Arvo Tinni put it, "It is time for the position [of chairman] to have new blood, new ideas and fresh enthusiasm to move to the next challenges", those ideas and challenges should represent all aspects and viewpoints of what we each want from Eesti Maja. If we all vote for the SES and allow (an almost) wholesale change of leadership, we might only be shifting the already un-steady balance from one leg of the chair onto another.
Whilst it seems easy for me to fire away at the SES and the current board, I'm not. The SES are the only candidates that have offered up any answers so far. They appear to come as a team and that is great if they all pull in the same direction and stay the course. I'll be the first to admit their platform appeals to me greatly and made me say "HARAGH!" when I read it, though the other candidates might be offering the same things - I don't know yet.
All I really want to say to you is be careful how you vote on Sunday. We are a small community with people who have big ideas and hearts to match, but balancing this is not as easy as it seems. Short term gains might not necessarily lead to the chair staying upright after all.

Stayed tuned for the 'Results Show'

'Küü Ii!' Issue1, December 1980

Leen my wife was wating for me after another Eesti Keel (Estonian language) lesson on a Monday night in Eesti Maja, Sydney. She was sitting on a chair reading something. When I asked what it was she was reading, she showed me 4 copies of "Küü Ii!" (a play of words on the Australian bush cry "Koooooooi!" written in Eesti keel) which was a magazine published by young Estonians in Sydney back in the early 1980's. They had been placed out in the foyer by the Estonian House archive for sale, so she picked them up. I skimmed over the covers quickly and decided these were keepers. We made our way out of Eesti Maja, flicking some gold coins into the jar for payment on the way through.
When we arrived home, I could not help but go through these magazines for a quite a while. The covers of these magazines were a look back in time. Basic graphics used on super-imposed pictures were the height of cool back then (probably by accident) and something fashion in all forms is trying to emulate today - badly.
At a whopping $2, this bi-monthly magazine was fairly pricey for its day. If you take inflation into account, the magazine would probably sell for $20+ today.
After reading one or two articles and the headlines throughout each copy, it didn't take much to realise that this magazine was an alternative outlet to the closed door attitude of 'Meie Kodu' (Our Home) - the national weekly paper for Estonians living in Australia. Obviously frustrated by a lack of voice in their own community, even by todays standard, Küü Ii!'s articles read as confronting, cutting, and kick-you-between-the-balls-if-need-be. In some articles, maybe a little too much of an activist approach was taken, but the spirit is undeniable.
Edited by Juhan Lübek and Lembit Suur, with art direction by Olev Muska  and assisted by Ingrid Slamer, the magazine boasted a treasurer, Mick Payne, a legal advisor, Jaak Peedo and an editorial board of six consisting of Anni Meister, Eva Lehtsalu, Arno Muska, Talmi Lübek, Mick Tartu and Peter Martionson. The line-up would change little up to the last edition I have.
In this first edition, a forward from the infamous politician of choice by Sydneys underworld, (The [dis]Hon.) A.J. Grassby blessed page 5, just to kick things off. Not bad for a little rag. The printing was carried out by SNAP printing in North Sydney.

At this stage, and unless I can unearth more copies, I will delve into each edition and touch on one article that is as relevant today as it was back then in the 80's. I'll re-produce the article as best I can for your own reading and invite any additional facts or comment you have.

Issue No.1 December 1980

On the 3rd of March 1978, Eva Eichenbaum from Toronto Canada, gave a talk on why she had become one "of those 'apathetic deserters' to the cause" - i.e. a young Estonian who had shied away from the community. Although from Canada, the parallels between there and the Estonian-Australian community at the time were (and still are) almost identical.
Whilst what she said was stirring stuff, her sincerity and clear argument made for good debate. However, when she made her argument, times were very different. Eva didn't see the point in fighting a fight for Estonia that couldn't be won (at the time Estonia was still under the USSR). She could also see an internal fight on the horizon in her local community that she didn't think was worth fighting either.

Below are some of her select quotes on the topic of why ethnic Estonians in Canada had become disinterested in the culture of their forefathers. Many of her points may or may not apply today (and everyone will have a different take on this). In some instances, the topics or argument haven't changed since this article was written. Nor are these topics exclusive to Estonian communities world-wide. They also give light to topics of community fragmentation even today.

As the crux of her argument centered around the attitudes of Estonians returning to the fatherland, I have not included her quotes on that topic as they are not relative today. I have instead focused on the issues that still plague the community today, even if they are a hangover form immigration incurred on Australia because of the occupation of Estonia.

"It seems that certain sectors of the active 'Eesti Selts' are concerned about the disappearance of youth from the core activities of the Estonian community, and are also concerned about the increasing apathy of even the senior members."


"...me I don't show much interest any more. Why?....there are some very basic elements about this entire Esto phenomenon that I find unattractive."


"I am not impressed by Estonian cultural arrogance toward other ethnic groups...not to mention 'lost' Estonians like myself."


"I'm concerned about Esto introversion and conservatism."


"Basically, the entire Esto scene tastes a little of...., insecurity, fear, and cultural paranoia, and I wonder whether the quality of my life would be improved by these things."


"Mourners must learn to look to the future, to readjust their values and goals in response to the demands of their immediate environment. It's time to let go of the past, and set some REALISTIC goals for the future."


"The younger generation has grown up in a comfortable setting and has possibly become too apathetic, materialistic, and self-indulgent to bother with ethnicity. Immediate social needs can be satisfied by alternatives to Estonian events. It seems that the only genuine interest in our ethnicity that may be stirred comes out of a more intellectual need..."


"...that brotherhood and communal caring that once existed in the early fifties seems to have evolved into a pattern of cliques, animosities and rivalries. It seems that meetings and organisations frequently fall short of their goals because of personal differences and petty bickering. Good intentions get bogged down with cultural trivia."


"Somewhere along the line this humble ethnicity and pride has turned into something resembling arrogance..."


"Why should I, or any other 'second generationite' be made to feel ashamed because we do not speak the 'better' language fluently?...it is exactly this purism, snobbery, 'umber mensch' mentality that is alienating many of those people who could be persuaded to seek involvement in the ethnic community."


"Change, flexibility, and adaptability are the key words to survival and development....This fact has to be accepted before it's too late and all the good things disappear together with the outdated idealism."


"Nothing positive will be accomplished unless we face reality and do a little bit of cultural house-cleaning, as distasteful and unpleasant as it might be. Old dreams die hard, and change always hurts."


Whilst the Australian-Estonian communities show signs of life again, the lesson to be learnt here is that what started the rot in the baby-boomers camp and sent them spinning off into apathetic-outer-space could come around to haunt us again. The danger of the baby-boomers (particularly the ones who maintained the community whilst the others checked-out) holding on too tightly to what took so much effort to grab off the post-war community leaders, could send the 'now' generation packing as well. The irony lying in the fact a baby boomer was responsible for this article...
There is a new transition about to take place in all of the Estonian communities of Australia. Already some have seen the light and gotten on with it, as evidenced by the recent successes of both the Estonian Adelaide and Sydney communities. For all the communities, this new phase in our existence has to happen seamlessly with the old helping the new to learn what they already know and be warned of what not to do. It also has to involve as many people as possible, not just the select few.


Although not relevant to todays situation, I'd like to end by using two more of Eva's quotes to make a point.

"...that longing and goal to return to 'our' native Estonia and to fight for its freedom is an outdated dream....Are we the 'right' superior Estonians and those who have grown up there over the past thirty years the 'wrong' and inferior Estonians? By what right could we descend en mass to take control of their country?"


With the influx of our brothers and sisters coming into Australia from Estonia growing by the year, a new connectivity has emerged not only between them and us, but between ourselves. This might never have  eventuated had Russia not failed. Perhaps what we now need to consider and understand is that it is they who might ultimately be saving us. Not the other way around.

Sydney Eesti Maja

Sydney Eesti Maja. Where do I start and where will it (Eesti Maja) end? Does it need to end? Is it coming back to life? “Nurse..do we have a pulse?”
On and off I've been walking in and out of Eesti Maja all my life. It’s a conspicuous address in Sydney’s CBD that I've never really had anything to do with it. Yet it's as familiar as any landmark in Sydney to me.

From the road, the first glimpse you get of this Harry Siedler inspired corner shop draws the instant response that Eesti Maja is stuck in a time warp. Aside from the words "ESTONIAN HOUSE" that dominate the wall immediately above the used/disused shop at the front of the building, there is only a subtle copper plaque at the gate entrance to let you know what the place actually is. Not that any passerby would know what an "Estonia" is.
On entering through a very "Estonian" front gate that opens to a tree lined walkway, the path to the front door of the Maja leads the eyes to a sculpture of the Estonian nation on the wall above the entry awning. It's probably my favourite thing about the Maja - the sculpture. It has these glass marbles inserted into the sculpture that reminds me of Estonian women’s jewellery that my mother used to wear. Subconsciously comforting I'm sure and probably why I feel a sense of ease when walking in.
When entering the Maja, the visitor is confronted by...a wall. Perhaps it’s a subconscious element of the Eesti Maja, reflecting the Estonian personality in general. You see, to enter you have to turn hard right, and then left which will lead you into the main hall. But before you get there, you walk through the main entry foyer and wonder why the main doors to the Maja aren’t open instead of the side "front" door. Haaaa.....
The decor is 50's/60's/70's/80's but not so significant in that what the hall consists of is made up from donated furniture and effort from days gone by. No different from any other community hall in Australia, maybe even Estonia for all I know. But there's an instant homey feeling which is undeniable. I think I might be one-eyed in this regard, and I'm sure there would be plenty of people who would have the other eye open instead.
My sentimentality received a bit of a check recently at one of the bi-monthly Eesti Cafe dinners when during a conversation, the topic of Eesti Majas future came up. What should be done with Eesti Maja? Should it be fixed or sold?
Instantly I was disappointed by the prospect of losing such a relic of my past, as I’m sure many other people would be too. It’s old, it’s daggy but it’s ours. “How could anyone think of selling it off?” I thought. The reality of the halls situation was quickly brought to the fore by a figure in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, just to bring the place up to fire code, let alone make it a desirable place to mingle.
I’m not a stranger to this situation though. Several years ago, my uncle saw a similar situation unfolding with another relic of the Australian-Estonian communities past, the old Estonian Hall in Thirlmere. He put it to a meeting of the younger generation of Australian-Estonians that eventually something had to give in regards of the Hall. The cost of maintaining such a place was exceeding the usefulness of it and the question was asked; if it were sold and the money invested elsewhere, would the community benefit more from it? From memory there was no definitive answer agreed upon, and as such to date, the situaton is unchanged with the Hall still in the Societies hands.
If a meeting were called today to ask the same question about Eesti Maja in Sydney, I suspect the same result might apply. I guess there’s a point in a society’s life when things of the past are either retained to keep perspective on what that society is about, or they accept change is necessary to survive and evolve into something different and/or something more.
The question that really struck me though about the old Estonia Hall in Thirlmere and Eesti Maja was that for all this time, why have these places been left to get to such a point? It seems to be a common thread that for anything made, owned and developed by the Australian-Estonian societies past generations needs to now have its validity questioned and future justified. Why? What culture, or lack of culture, has developed that has let things slide into such a state? Worst of all, it seems to be threatened by (dare I write it) a lack of creativity. No one seems to know what the hell to do with all this property and the responsibilities that come with it.
But it's completely understandable.
Aside from what apears to be a fruity and political past, only a small portion of the Australian-Estonian baby boomers and the remnants of some grand and great-grand parents have kept these places alive and going. Whether that's only because it’s these peoples second home, the responsibilities placed on their shoulders has been large and is starting to show.
Others, like me included, have had no real input other than turning up to the occasional event put on by the "regulars". For me this has been a constant source of guilt as I have wanted to be more involved and part of this community in the past, but have felt weird about approaching from the outside. This is for several reasons as may not only be mine, but other peoples as well. Namely, geography - I (did) live well away from anything to do with Estonians; the fact I don't speak fluent Estonian; I've had no real meaningful association with any other Australian-Estonian in the past; I don't know anyone my age and the worst fear of all - if I started turning up to functions on my own, I would eventually be singled out as 'that creep who keeps turning up to things and never speaks to anyone'. Aaaargh Shudder.
However, since the beginning of the Eesti Cafe series, my fears have been quashed by contrary facts. Most Australian-Estonians my age don't speak fluent Estonian - if any; I know more people than I thought I did and the best surprise of all, if I did turn up on my own, I wouldn't have been the only creep there! All this time in the wilderness...tsk tsk Siimon.
I have digressed here, but I have brought myself to the Eesti Cafe dinners. These nights, instigated as I understand it by the daughters of a baby boomer, have perhaps signalled resurgence in the attention afforded to our culture in Australia. The idea behind the dinners is to raise badly needed funds to bring the Sydney Eesti Maja back up to building code. To keep it alive. To keep it going. To keep the community going. And it seems to be working, wanted and definitely justified.
What I find more surprising however is that it’s not just the old vanguard showing up month in, month out, but its actual visiting Estonians (and complete ring-ins) showing up too. Now this throws a spanner in the works. Suddenly we’ve gone from justifying these places of community for ourselves, to justifying them for everyone. Not just Australian-Estonians. From these dinners, certain questions have begun to arise:

• Is the awareness in the Australian-Estonian community growing again?
• Why is it growing again?
• If the community is growing again, is selling Eesti Maja the right thing to do?
• If Eesti Maja was sold, what would the community do next? Where would the community go?
• If we got another hall in another place that was bigger and better, wouldn’t that just increase the responsibility and the expense?

These questions have no immediate answers and tend to only fuel more questions. However, some things are certain. As Australian-Estonians, we are afforded a unique position of responsibility and opportunity to capitalise on what little we have now, for the future. As we cling to the relics of Eesti Maja and the old Estonian Hall in Thirlmere, we must remind ourselves that although other larger communities like the Finnish and Swedes have societies in Sydney, they don’t have places to call their own. I'm failry certain no one wants to see this happen to us.
Eesti Maja is trailing badly in last position for the Sydney Baltic Community. The likes of the Latvian Club in Strathfield, and heady heights of the Lithuanian club in Bankstown only light the way for what potential is on offer for us to have, and call our own. Eesti Maja is situated in the heart of one of the most popular cities in the world and needs to be a beacon not only for its community here in Australia, but for every Estonian who walks through its front door and for others looking from abroad.
The time has come to let go of the 'look' of the past without letting go of Eesti Maja and what it is about - us. Whilst Eesti Maja is daggy and yes, we have all become confortable and nonchalant about it, the fact remains the place is old and the most colouful thing insdie it these days are the people who come together in it. Fundamentaly this should always be the case, however it's dangerous to throw a party when the walls are coming down around you...slowly.
I’m putting this out to my generation and anyone older who wants to build on what is here now, for the future, for the next generation and most of all, for your own damn satisfacrtion: do not sell Eesti Maja. Eesti Maja on meie kodu. The oldest member of our Estonian family still has a pulse, and I for one want to keep that pulse going for a very, very long time.

How I am becoming an Estonian (Part 5)

Now before I begin this, the most current update (and last part - for now), I want to just point out that it's easy to judge someone like me doing something like what I'm doing here right now - writing this blog. After all, I've judged people for doing the same thing in the past. It's human instinct. We fear what we don't understand. In writing this blog, I've fought my own demon in this regard as I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve and am generally fairly private and reserved. If you want to leak some gossip about someone, I'm not the person to tell it to. Oh, I'll love the gossip, but it'll hit a brick wall and won’t go any further past me. I like to know what other people don't know, even if they know I know. It drives people nuts. Anyway, I'm digressing. If you've read this far, bully to you. All I ask is that you don't judge me as a wannabe. I'm not. The purpose of what you are reading here is to articulate my thoughts about something in my life that has never been obvious to me until recently, even though it's always been there. The fact you are reading any of this is that you are a spectator to it. I could have written it down in a book never to be seen by anyone, but that would have been the tree in the forest that fell that no one saw or heard - a waste. My insight is not unique, but it is individual. I'm hoping you have related to it and may have gotten something from it, and if not, maybe you know someone who might.

You’re in the last room of this house now, ready to walk out the back door into a warm sunny afternoon with a breeze blowing across the grass. Lie down and look up at the sky. Listen to wind through the trees, listen to the bugs in the ground, listen to yourself and just be.
It wasn't long after arriving back in Wollongong from a failed attempt at a relationship in Oxford, England that I decided I'd just had enough of Australian women. That's not an indictment on them in general; to say they are just not worth it - they are...I'm sure. For me though, it was the end of that road. An Australian woman equalled a subservient life of mortgage payments and being stuck in Wollongong or Sydney for the rest of my life. After the trip to England, I knew I couldn't settle for an ordinary life.
The idea of flirting with Estonian women online had been playing on my mind since the end of my first marriage. I didn't know what to expect from it. I wasn't afraid of it as after all, they were several thousand kilometres away so the likely hood of broken hearts didn't worry me. The stigma that is attached with it didn't faze me either. People who find other people online are generally labelled as "mail-order"; people who can't cut it in the "real" world of romance where they live. This is regardless of people in Australia doing it every day in their own hometown, mostly to just get laid with the vague promise of something more developing from it later.
Regardless of what I thought people might think, I began searching around for some sites that had a decent smattering of Estonian women on it. There weren’t as many as I thought there might be, and the ones that did exist had pseudo Estonian women on them i.e. Russian or Ukrainian women posing as Estonian women.
I settled on a site called FriendFinder. It seemed to have the most genuine Estonian women, so I payed a month’s membership fee and joined. Going through the list of Estonian women was interesting, particularly as you were cross-referenced and statistically matched with individual people. Interestingly enough, I didn’t seem to match with too many. The main issue being that Estonian women didn't seem to want to know anyone outside of Estonia. It seemed like it might be a bit of a closed shop. But not to be too disheartened, I sent "nudges" to several women with little response.
Time went by. Although my interest was pointed at Estonian women, the only interest I seemed to be generating was from Malaysian women. Strange I thought. Why were Estonian women so hard to crack? I'd all but given up before a message came from an Estonian girl. I can’t remember what it was about but I can only remember thinking 'finally I'm away'. But that was short lived. That girl and I continued to exchange messages for a while, but she was the only one. She was a nice girl but very stand-offish. We got to know a bit about one another but when it came to asking for an email address to help expand this fledgling relationship, she went cold. We continued to communicate, but she was making it clear she was only interested in guys closer to home.
I still looked at other Estonian women hungry to learn more about whom they were and what they were about, but I was getting no response. That was until one day when I received a short message from a woman I had seen before. I can’t remember if I had nudged her, or her me, but I remember seeing her profile before and being interested, but having read her profile feared being too low-brow for her. She was pretty and smart but had this radical mullet hairdo that honestly left me wondering if she'd be my type, and I hers. But she had messaged so that was something!
What started out as an exchange of some short messages about our likes and dislikes over the next few days lead to an exchange of email addresses which turned into letters, pages long on subjects ranging from one thing to another. The flood-gates had opened! Leen had arrived. Nothing was off topic or taboo. Everything was fresh and our appetites to discover more and more about each other overcame us to the point of not doing much else during the day except write to each other. This went on for a few weeks until I recorded a short message on my mobile phone, uploaded it and sent it via email. Leen saw it and wanted more so I rushed out and bought a camera for my computer. The next logical step was bought to us via - ironically - an Estonian invention, Skype.
When our screens lit up and I couldn’t hear anything but quiet on the other end, and see nothing, I realised Leen was too shy to even show herself. And I was worried I was too low brow! But that was short lived. Our letter writing ceased and turned into hours of talk looking at each other. It was unusual not to talk for at least three hours a day. As for that other woman who wouldn’t exchange email addresses...what other woman?
After about two months, something had to give. I knew by now I had fallen for this woman and had to meet her in the flesh. I made a bold decision: I was going to Estonia. I didn’t take much for me to convince myself. I justified to myself that it was well over-due for me to return and if I went and it wasn’t going to happen with Leen, that would be cool. I had friends there all the same and I would be in a place that I dearly wanted to be in. But I wanted it to happen. It was meant to happen. Things happen for a reason and this was as big a “thing” as you could get. A kind of destiny seemed to be laying itself out in front of me.
I boarded the plane and headed north. I actually arrived in Tallinn ahead of Leen who was returning from the U.S. after attending a friend’s wedding there. She was a day behind. While I waited, I camped out in my Canadian friends (the one I lived within Coogee during the Olympics) apartment right in the centre of Tallinn and waited. It was nice to be back in Tallinn. The weather was cool but clear and I felt the remnants of my old life were falling off just like the last leaves on the trees outside. I felt alive again.
The next day was L-day – Leen Day. I got up and prepared myself to meet her at the airport around lunch. It was a funny morning followed by a long walk out to the airport. I arrived early, and her plane arrived late so I had to wander around Tallinn airport aimlessly until she arrived.

But 'that moment' arrived and it was a nervous moment. I knew she was just on the other side of the wall collecting her bag. I held back and a few meters away from the door out of arrivals so we wouldn’t come face to face immediately. I wanted to see her for a second before she saw me. Not like those people who arrange dates in cafes and give vague descriptions of themselves so the other can’t identify them, enabling that person to make a getaway if they don’t like what they see. No. I wanted a second to collect myself once I saw her which worked. Leen came out of the arrival doors and looked in the opposite direction before looking my way. She saw me and smiled. She started walking towards me. As we came together we said nothing and hugged like we do now when we haven’t seen each other for a few hours. I kissed her on the head and we held on for a few second before Leen pulled away and said, “I have to find a bank machine for some cash”. This was the first moment of the rest of my life and it was perfect.

What started out as messages three months before turned into living with Leen in Tallinn for a month. I hung out with her dog Aki while she finished her masters degree as well as meet all of Leens friends. Some had scepticism written all over their faces about our relationship, others were accommodating and excited for Leen. Either way, I was meeting modern Estonians. The real deal.

Leen took me to places in and around Tallinn I hadn’t seen on my first visit. Galleries, museums, cafes, dodgy pubs, Russian bake-houses. I drowned in the culture of the situation. All this was just a side-serve however to being with Leen. She turned out to be what I was after more than I understood. I had fallen madly in love with this outgoing, passionate and eccentric woman and was panicking about returning to Australia without her.

We knew we had to be together no matter what, and so began the hatching of all our plans to come together when time and money would allow. While on that first visit, I arranged for us to meet halfway in Hong Kong on New Years Eve, three months away. There we would stay at my friends unit and have at least a few days together.

Hong Kong was followed by my return visit to Estonia with a side trip to Vienna. This 3rd trip back to Tallinn would also be significant for me in terms of defining my future identity both to myself, my family and others around me. I was granted Estonian citizenship. There were no teary ceremonies and singing of the national anthem like in Australia. Instead Leen and I went to an office in a dusty corner of Tallinn and showed the necessary documents to a young lady who went off for a few minutes to speak with a superior, returned and told us to come back Thursday to pick up the passport. The significance of this moment was completely understated by the rapidness of the bureaucracy. How ironic.
I could only stay for two weeks this time, but by then the decision was made; Leen was coming to Australia to live.

On a cloudy cool day, Leen arrived in Sydney. Bundling her into the car, I took her for a quick whirl around Sydney’s sights, then hit the road back to Wollongong to begin our life together.
Leen found work in Sydney and things seemed to be going well. Friends weren’t very forthcoming to begin with but we knew things would get better.
Enter the global financial crisis (GFC). As time was ticking by, the realisation that Leens visa would expire eventually began to dawn on us. I was happy to pack up what life I had and move to Estonia, but the GFC took care of that. If Leen couldn’t return to a job in Estonia with a master’s degree, what hope would I have of getting work in a country I was a citizen of but couldn’t speak the language, and a country that already had a spiralling unemployment rate in double figures.
In a desperate scramble to secure her future in Australia, an appointment was made with Australian Immigration Department in an attempt to convince them our relationship was de facto. Although we considered ourselves a live-together couple for over a year, immigration didn’t. It was getting dire as Leen looked like she’d have to return to Estonia which was going down the pipes with the rest of Europe in an even bigger way.

In the end it would all come down to me sucking up a stubborn belief and moving on with life. My decision to marry Leen was an easy one. Although I had had some apprehension about it before when we had explored our views on it (after all, I was only just divorced from my first marriage), the decision to do it again came naturally. She had to stay with me because I wanted her to, she wanted to stay with me because she wanted to, and we had to do everything possible to make it happen. So in May of 2009, Leen and I seeled our love for one another amongst only my family and friends. Unfortunately none of Leens people could be there.
From there we have returned to Estonia as man and wife once. What were sceptical faces were now ones of genuine happiness moving to un-easiness given the fact that all but two of Leens friends now have foreign husbands and have moved abroad. A statistic reflected in the population as well.
As time is passing with our life in Australia, our desire to be amongst Australian-Estonians and vice-versa has grown with the acceptance into what to me, used to be a closed and sealed crowd. With this inclusion have come some realisations about the false misgivings i gave these people and about my family as well. The community isn’t so closed after all. They aren’t ‘Estonian or nothing’ like I feared. They are an adaption of what our culture is here, more so than what it is there. It has come as a pleasant surprise. This discovery has coincided with an interesting time in my life as well – one where I find myself wanting to give something without the need for something back. I seem to have a humanitarian side after all.
I can’t give you a definitive reason why I choose to see myself as two halves rather than one whole. It’s probably more from circumstance than desire. I’ve always tended to be one to let life guide me rather than steer a defined course. Maybe that’s set to change as I’m half way through life almost. Perhaps that’s why I’m taking this new course of becoming more Estonian as I’ve found the stop where life can drop me off and “I’ll leg it from here, thanks”. It’s not an easy question to answer and one I may never answer. All I know is that in the not to distant future, i will live in Estonia with my Estonian wife, with my Estonian children and live an Estonian life and visit a very special place that is close to my heart and an eternal part of me, Australia.
So here I’ll stop this senseless rambling until another chapter is written, or until I read over all of this and correct half of it or add to it!